I hear from girls and guys in the diet recovery space all of the time who tell me that they are frustrated with the body positivity message. At first, I was confused why this was, I mean it seems like a really good message. But as I’ve thought about this for a while I believe that it is because body positivity is easier said than done.

You Can’t Force Love

For instance, think of a time when there was a girl or guy that liked or loved you, but you just didn’t feel the same way? Okay, now what if at that moment my advice to you was that you should just love them back. It sounds simple in theory, but it’s not really something you have control over.

It’s like the lyrics by Bonnie Raitt: “You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”

You may have control over your actions and how you treat people, but you don’t have this same control on your feelings.

Why It Can Be Frustrating

While the body positivity message works great for some, for many girls and guys it feels forced. Considering that you can’t simply change the way you feel, many are tempted to pretend that they love everything about their body and even feel guilty when there is something that they wish they could change.

A Better Approach Than Body Positivity

There’s a concept similar to body positivity called body acceptance, that in my opinion is a step in the right direction. The basic gist is that you may not like everything about your body and there may be things you would change, but you accept it for what it is. In the end, however, we are far more than our bodies, and thus we need to look at it from the big picture.

Self-acceptance: The Optimal Approach

What’s far more important than either body positivity or body acceptance is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance involves being totally honest with yourself about what you love about yourself and what you would change. It may sound like bad advice to admit the things you would change, but this transparent honesty is the first step in being happy with who you are.

What I’m getting at here is that, not only can you not fool yourself, but by trying to fool yourself you diminish your self-worth.

Another set of lyrics seems appropriate here, this time by Ditto, “But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it
Where’s the sense in that?”

Self Acceptance is the only way to truly feel at peace with yourself– flaws and all.

Your goal should be to realize that while you may still want a six pack, the costs of achieving that is too high. For instance, while I might still want single digit body fat, I know that it would negatively affect the quality of life, health, and relationships. Thus, I am perfectly content at the 12% I am today.

Start With Your Actions and Your Emotions Will Follow

It is well known that feelings can lead to actions, but the reverse is also true– actions can influence your feelings.

The most effective way of changing your feelings is indirectly through action. Once you begin to live a normal life without restriction, you will begin to appreciate how much better life can be. The unrealistic goals that you once had will begin to seem silly and fade away.

Takeaway

The takeaway here is that you shouldn’t hold off recovery until you feel positive about your body. You might find as with myself, that recovery and self-acceptance is what leads you to body positivity & acceptance, not the other way around.